An Update + A Year On Tumblr
Thanks be to God, the tumours turned out not to be malignant and though they have to be observed because they might “activate” or behave unexpectedly, my Mama is not in danger right now. I can’t even talk about how much of a relief it is to me. Thank you, once again, to everyone who prayed for Her and for my family.
Recently, I seem to blog - if at all - only long and personal text posts, but I just can’t help but make another one.
I do hope to start blogging normally again soon. Right now I’m in the middle of my exam session, so it should be the busiest time of the year for me - but I want to come back and be here regularily by and by, at least from the day my vacation starts. I want to make blogging a part of my schedule. I want to be better at it and to nurture relationships that are to be had here.
I’ve just realised that it must’ve been about a year ago I created this blog, so I went and checked… The actual date is in May, but after that I wouldn’t post anything for a month - academically the busiest time, y’know… and also I was still uncertain and afraid. If that’s not a symbol of how I run this thing, I don’t know what is… …So I started it on May 5th but actually embarked on this adventure on June 8th.
To be honest, I can’t believe it’s been a year already and at the same time it doesn’t even seem that long. I certainly still feel like a newbie. Still haven’t figured out like 50% of options, still cannot grasp the whole “social media” thing, really (hence even this very post, in a way), still wonder if there even is a place for me here… But I would be plain ungrateful if I didn’t realise that yes, there is a place for me here, for things have worked out for me in a way that is absolutely beyond what I’d ever imagined it could become.
And that is because of the wonderful people here. Only recently I have realised to what degree we can actually be here for each other. The support I’ve gotten couldn’t be more real. Prayer is an actual, live, most powerful help that complete strangers have offered to my loved ones without hesitation. In a way it’s completely normal and the usual state of affairs - it’s how the communion of Church works and it’s hardly the first time I’ve seen it in action - but it’s wonderful to realise how much we can really connect through Tumblr. And it's been wonderful to experience first-hand what a few kind words can mean. I smile at each notification, so I cannot even tell you what it’s meant to me to receive messages and asks - ones showing that someone actually reads my blog, my posts, that someone cares to write to me. I try to keep it cool
and miserably fail, but it makes me so happy. People have acknowleded my personal posts, replied to me, helped me, entered into a conversation with me; people put up with my fangirling and/or pretentiousness daily; people shared in my joys and passions; people cared for me enough to reach out to me in the darkest hours of my life. Yes, this is simply what Tumblr is for. But isn’t it wonderful? How could I take it for granted? It’s about all the beautiful and interesting things in the world that we can show and share our appreciation for; but it’s even more, it’s about personal stories and real lives being touched in so many ways, small and great ones.
And this still scares me - all this reality, all those amazing people (who am I to be a part of it?), all this existing one has to do. I’m a coward. But people are what’s really important in life. And they are what makes it all worth it.
Thank you to the people I actually became close to - you are my friends and I thank the Lord for you. I wish I could thank all the people who have shown incredible kindness to me, who I had at least the pleasure of talking to, who made me happy and comfortable by just noticing me, who make me happy just through their blogs, who have been an inspiration to me… Thank you - to each and every one of my followers. You already are dear to me. I would really, really love to talk to you. But the very thought that you are here is mind-boggling.
This one year has been a ride - and this site has become a huge part of my life. It has become a source of so many good things. Sure, it has also served me to run away from life, to procrastinate and escape - but that’s only my own fault. And every time I’m here it also gives me new and unexpected strength, joy, perspective and hope. It gave me relationships beyond what I had thought was even possible, it gave me the support and strength on the scale I could never have expected. I can’t even say how grateful I am for this. And that’s so much more than just this one slightly silly blog.